{"id":17011,"date":"2020-04-03T12:29:22","date_gmt":"2020-04-03T10:29:22","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.intimina.com\/blog\/?p=17011"},"modified":"2020-04-03T12:29:22","modified_gmt":"2020-04-03T10:29:22","slug":"moving-the-focus-away-from-orgasms","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.intimina.com\/blog\/moving-the-focus-away-from-orgasms\/","title":{"rendered":"Slowing Down: Moving the Focus Away From Orgasms"},"content":{"rendered":"

Orgasms are incredible and awesome, and we should ideally all be having them. A lot of them. Unfortunately, that\u2019s not the reality for a lot of women.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Throw Your Formula out the Window<\/b><\/p>\n

A lot of sexual interactions, especially heterosexual ones feel like this formulaic act of making out, dry humping and heavy petting, clothes come off, hands to genitals, penetration, someone (usually the person with the penis) comes, and you roll off each other in a sweaty, tired slump.<\/span><\/p>\n

It\u2019s a rise and a fall. Running up a mountain and back down again. Sometimes this works, don\u2019t get me wrong, but often times it leaves women feeling like they\u2019re missing something, orgasm or not.<\/span><\/p>\n

More than Orgasms<\/b><\/p>\n

Most of the pop culture information out there on women\u2019s sex lives focuses on how to have more orgasms. More, more more. While everyone should be able to have as many orgasms as they want, that\u2019s not all that sex is about.<\/span><\/p>\n

Sex is one of the most intimate ways we can connect with each other as humans. When we overemphasize orgasms, we tend to have a one-pointed focus. Sex becomes a means to an end, versus a chance for exploration and tenderness.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

This approach to sex seems very linear, and frankly- boring.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Now that\u2019s not to say you should put up with sex that doesn\u2019t feel pleasurable- hell no. It\u2019s that for whatever reason, orgasms don\u2019t always happen every time you have sex- and that\u2019s perfectly ok. Orgasm centered sex makes it a sort of achievement, like a sporting event instead of a sacred act.<\/span><\/p>\n

Sex is Not a Transaction\u00a0<\/b><\/p>\n

While reciprocity is important in relationships, there\u2019s more to them than that. When we overemphasize orgasms, sex can become transactional, instead of interactional.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Thoughts like \u201cHe made me cum, so I guess I need to go down on him now\u201d take the magic out of the moment, and keep you from recognizing what your current needs are. Maybe you do want to go down on your partner, but that desire should be coming from a place of sensuality, not obligation.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Moving away from orgasm centered sex and towards connection allows us to move intuitively with our partner, instead of falling into an old habit. This allows you to become present in the moment. When you\u2019re really in the zone, call it \u201cflow state\u201d, time seems to stop. You drop in savor every moment, every touch. Every one of your cells feels electric and the sounds escaping you seem utterly primal.<\/span><\/p>\n

Wondering how to integrate more \u201cflow\u201d into your sex life?<\/b><\/p>\n