{"id":17464,"date":"2020-05-24T10:09:50","date_gmt":"2020-05-24T08:09:50","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.intimina.com\/blog\/?p=17464"},"modified":"2020-12-07T13:16:51","modified_gmt":"2020-12-07T12:16:51","slug":"losing-your-virginity","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.intimina.com\/blog\/losing-your-virginity\/","title":{"rendered":"“Losing Your Virginity”: An Outdated Term"},"content":{"rendered":"

It\u2019s a new decade people, and with the changing times, we have to change our language as well.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Language is one of the most, if not the most revolutionary tools in our evolution as humans. Unfortunately it can also be a powerful weapon that can be used to manipulate us, make us feel small, or take away our power.<\/span><\/p>\n

Let\u2019s take the phrase \u201cLosing your virginity\u201d. I don\u2019t know about you, but hearing this does not make me feel anywhere close to empowered.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Instead it brings up awkward teenagers navigating the tricky territory of human sexuality. It brings up feelings of shame, and needing to hide. It is far from sexy, and lacking in education.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

You Say You Want a Revolution<\/b><\/p>\n

People have sex. That\u2019s how we got here. Plain and simple. So why do we have such twisted views on our initiation into being sexually active?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

With the incredible amount of resources and information we have at our fingertips these days (like what you\u2019re reading right now), it\u2019s safe to say we\u2019re in the midst of a new-age sexual revolution. Part of this revolution is changing the language we use to talk about sex. Language that breaks barriers, allows for fluidity and greater understanding.<\/span><\/p>\n

Here\u2019s my grievances with \u201closing your virginity\u201d.<\/span><\/p>\n

You Haven\u2019t Lost Anything<\/b><\/p>\n

Anyone who has an enjoyable sex life can tell you- losing your virginity is not losing anything. In fact, you\u2019re gaining something. Gaining the right to experience pleasure in a new way. Having sex creates the opportunity for deeper connection and sensation than you\u2019ve ever experienced. <\/span><\/p>\n

You\u2019ve unlocked the ability to create life, to embrace your sensuality, and experience new levels of relating to others.<\/span><\/p>\n

The idea that we\u2019ve lost something is outdated, and incredibly patrearcheal. I would place bets on the type of person that came up with that term, and I certainly wouldn\u2019t be betting on a woman.<\/span><\/p>\n

Speaking of Patriarchy<\/b><\/p>\n

Virginity has been prized and traded for centuries upon centuries. Men and families have gladly handed over their \u201cvirgin\u201d daughters as a means to gain wealth, property, and status. People have handed over virgins as a tool for curing illnesses and diseases. <\/span><\/p>\n

Take 16th century Europe where having sex with a virgin was thought to cure syphilis and gonorrhea. This is still being practiced in sub-saharan Africa as a \u201ccure\u201d for HIV. A dangerous and criminal form of sexual violence.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

People have been commodifying women\u2019s bodies for too long.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cLosing your virginity\u201d sounds like a transaction. Loving, connected sex is not a transaction. It\u2019s an interaction. An intercourse, on many levels. Let\u2019s let\u2019s stop thinking about sex and virginity as a form of payment.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cLosing\u201d something implies that someone else took it. If we lose the idea that someone can hold such a sacred piece of someone else\u2019s experience, we stand to gain a lot more collectively. More empowerment, more respect, more connection.<\/span><\/p>\n

Different Definitions<\/b><\/p>\n

In the growing world of sexual identities and understanding of gender, sex is not as black and white as people once thought. Sex is not always penis in vagina. Or <\/span>penis in butt<\/a><\/span>, <\/span>or penis anywhere for that matter- you get where I\u2019m going with this.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Everyone has a right to have their own definition of sex and virginity. And that definition may change as they develop a deeper understanding of their sexuality, needs and desires. It\u2019s no one else\u2019s job to put labels and definitions on other people\u2019s bodies and experiences.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Redefine Your Experience<\/b><\/p>\n

An all too common reality is a \u201cfirst time\u201d that\u2019s marked by trauma, confusion, or unclear consent. When this is the case, discussing or thinking about when they lost their virginity can be incredibly triggering for people.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

This often catalyzes a sex life where they\u2019re unable to vocalize their needs, set clear boundaries, and be fully present.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

For people who relate to this, they may decide to use a different term, or to recreate the memory of their first time to one that is full of love and openness. For victims of sexual violence, this gives them a chance to take their power back and have autonomy over their bodies, while re-writing their story.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

It\u2019s Weird<\/b><\/p>\n

Frankly one of the biggest reasons we\u2019re over \u201closing your virginity\u201d, is because it\u2019s weird! It\u2019s usually a way to beat around the bush (pun intended) when people, typically teens, start having sex.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Why are we so scared of straightforward honesty? Sex is beautiful, and something to be celebrated, so let\u2019s use language that reflects that.<\/span><\/p>\n

Loving Lingo<\/b><\/p>\n

So it\u2019s decided, we\u2019re throwing out \u201closing your virginity\u201d. Bye! Now let\u2019s brainstorm some replacement phrases. From playful euphemisms, to straightforward sentences- we\u2019ve got endless options.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Here are some of our favorites:<\/span><\/p>\n