{"id":17740,"date":"2020-06-20T14:25:24","date_gmt":"2020-06-20T12:25:24","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.intimina.com\/blog\/?p=17740"},"modified":"2020-06-19T14:30:02","modified_gmt":"2020-06-19T12:30:02","slug":"its-time-to-talk-about-consent","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.intimina.com\/blog\/its-time-to-talk-about-consent\/","title":{"rendered":"It\u2019s Time to Talk about Consent"},"content":{"rendered":"

In the post #metoo movement, consent is a hot button when it comes to how we relate to each other intimately. The tricky thing is, consent is loaded with a whole lot of emotion, and not much clarity.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

For women, almost all of us have stories around a time when consent was questionable, or not present at all. While the burden shouldn\u2019t be on us to keep the lines of consent clear, education and advocacy go hand in hand. No matter our gender, we all have work to do.<\/span><\/p>\n

While there’s a much bigger conversation around consent when it comes to rampant sexual violence and abuse, we\u2019re going to focus on the more nuanced understanding of it in our everyday lives.<\/span><\/p>\n

Our Bodies Tell Stories<\/b><\/p>\n

We all come to sexual encounters with our own rich, sometimes sticky histories. Histories that are full of connection and confusion, sensuality and shame, pleasure and impatience, touchiness and trauma. We carry these stories in our bodies, and communicating them is not always straightforward.<\/span><\/p>\n

Consent is not black and white, and it varies from person to person, and situation to situation.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Beforeplay<\/b><\/p>\n

One of the healthiest ways to establish consent is by doing so before things heat up. Especially with a new partner.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

This conversation doesn\u2019t have to be heavy, but it is a good time to disclose any triggers or traumas you\u2019re carrying with you that you feel comfortable disclosing. This discussion can be loving, playful, sexy even. Honesty is hot.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

In The Moment<\/b><\/p>\n

We don\u2019t always take the time to explicitly state what we may want before a sexual encounter- and sometimes we just don\u2019t know. A simple \u201cIs this ok?\u201d or \u201cHow does this feel?\u201d gives people an opening to say if something is off, or if their sense of safety or security is being violated.<\/span><\/p>\n

In the lines of consent, you always have full permission to stop things if you\u2019re feeling uncomfortable or not into it for any reason- or if the person you\u2019re with seems like they\u2019re not comfortable or present.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Body Language<\/b><\/p>\n

Another added layer of complication and ambiguity, as that our words don\u2019t always match up with how we\u2019re actually feeling.<\/span><\/p>\n

Sometimes our mouths say things we don\u2019t actually believe, and sometimes our bodies want things we don\u2019t know how to articulate- especially in the moment.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Becoming fluent in consent means fine-tuning your ability to perceive the nuances of body language. It means being able to feel the subtleness of someone\u2019s energy, and the many ways we communicate nonverbally.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

People who have experienced sexual trauma, or other forms of abuse and violence, may have difficulty setting and articulating boundaries- this is a normal trauma response, which unfortunately can lead to further trauma when those boundaries are violated<\/span><\/p>\n

Here are some crucial tips in navigating consent:\u00a0<\/b><\/p>\n