How Meditation Can Make Your Sex Life Better
Meditation is probably not the first thing that comes to mind when you think about sex.
Contrary to popular belief, meditation doesn’t have to mean just sitting and trying to empty your mind. There are all different types of meditation, including ones that can enhance your sex life.
Meditations for Sexual Wellness
Your sexual experiences and pleasure are directly related to your nervous system. This internal electrical wiring works like the command center of the body.
When the nervous system is a little off, it can keep you from feeling fully present during sex – whether that’s with yourself or someone else.
One of the best ways to help regulate your nervous system is meditation!
People approach meditation with many different goals, but when it comes down to it, they all have to do with wanting to feel better. When you feel better, everything in your life runs more smoothly. Meditation can help you feel more comfortable in your body, give your more confidence, and help increase your libido by lowering stress levels.
So how exactly do you meditate for sexual wellness? Let’s find out!
This is a great one for people who are new to the world of meditation.
A massage meditation is just what it sounds like. Using the power of massage and self touch to ground down into your body and sense of pleasure.
This one is awesome after a soothing bath and gentle stretch. Set the stage, light some candles, and reach for a body safe massage oil. Coconut oil works great here, especially if you want to move this meditation into a masturbation session.
The “goal” of the meditation is to notice the areas on your body that you try to rush through when massaging, and challenge yourself to slow down. Notice what tension feels like as it’s released, and how different areas can be erogenous zones, like the collarbone, inner thighs, stomach, etc.
With your hands full of warm massage oil, start at your feet, you can say thanks to them for carrying you through the world, then move onto your calves and lower legs, tenderly massaging and taking your time as you go. Move to your upper body, work from your arms, to your back, then onto your chest, including your breasts and nipples. Go back to your legs by making your way up your thighs, then really taking your time on your inner thighs. Feel free to continue as you do on your vulva, exploring your inner and outer labia without rushing into your normal masturbation routine.
You’d be surprised at how nuanced pleasure can feel when you take your time to explore your body. Keep your breathing steady and deep the whole time.
Worthy of Pleasure Mediation
For many people, one of the things that gets in the way of fully being able to tap into their pleasure is their sense of self worth.
Whether it be because of trauma, societal influences, a lack of education around pleasure, or all of the above – female pleasure is not often prioritized or discussed. This can keep people with vulvas from feeling like they are fully worthy of having incredible sex.
Sitting in a comfortable position (you can also try this laying down if you prefer), take a few deep and grounding breaths. As you begin to relax, repeat this phrase to yourself “I am worthy of sexual pleasure”.
You might feel resistance, shame, or bad memories come up – take note of what is triggered.
Set a timer for three minutes, where you keep repeating this affirmation to yourself, silently or out loud.
It can be helpful to journal after this to help you reflect on anything that came up.
Self Affirming Dirty Talk
This one is great for people who want to work on their communication skills with their sexual partners. It’s not always easy to ask for what you want in bed. Communication is key to telling your partner what you want in bed, and what isn’t working for you.
So here’s an active meditation to help you work on that skill.
This one is done after a solo sex session. You can also do it after the massage meditation.
After self pleasuring, sit comfortably in front of a mirror. The goal here is to be as uninhibited with yourself as possible, trying to speak out loud of that works for your living situation.
As you look into the mirror, try to maintain eye contact with yourself. Going over your solo sex session, say outloud to your reflection what you liked about the experience, what you did well, and what you could work on.
Maybe you went too fast, tell yourself that. Or you loved a certain angle you tried, affirm that to yourself.
Let your mind run wild, let it be juicy and expressive.
You’ll find that the more you do this with yourself, the easier it becomes with a partner.
As you build your meditation practice, you start to figure out what does and doesn’t work for you. Not every meditation is for everyone, so keep your options open, and give yourself the flexibility to explore. The fact that you’re reading this means you’re showing up for yourself and prioritizing your pleasure. Pat yourself on the back!
Natasha (she/her) is a full-spectrum doula and health+wellness copywriter. Her work focuses on deconstructing the shame, stigma, and barriers people carry around birth, sex, health, and beyond, to help people navigate through their lives with more education and empowerment. You can connect with Natasha on IG @natasha.s.weiss.