To Come or Not to Come: Orgasmic Meditation
Goosebumps, curled toes, a rush of pleasure unlike anything else, we’re talking about, you guessed it- orgasms. We all know about them, and we all want them. Yet discussions around the female orgasm are elusive, misguided, and are often not even facilitated by women themselves.
Some studies suggest that a staggering 10-40% of women have difficulty or an inability orgasming. That’s a huge gap, and leads us to believe that there are even larger gaps in the research.
Our bodies are designed for pleasure. Those with female bodies were given this incredible ability to cum and from a number of different ways. So why are so many women having difficulty orgasming?
Despite the work of the waves of feminism and the sexual revolution, women’s pleasure is still widely misunderstood. Much of the data we have is collected by men, and in a very linear fashion. Frankly, pleasure is a difficult thing to quantify.
There are so many factors from trauma, to self-consciousness, to shame, that could be inhibiting a woman’s ability to fall into the waves of pleasure.
Being in these human bodies means we’re all deserving of pleasure. Which is why we’re seeing a growing trend of practices and therapies that seek to close the pleasure gap. That’s where Orgasmic Meditation comes in. Pun intended.
Orgasmic Meditation, or OM, is a practice that aims to take the rushed focus off of “finishing” during sexual encounters, and facilitate an experience that allows people to feel the gentle, and sometimes electric, waves of pleasure that comes with slowing down, and taking the emphasis off of penetration.
OMing is NOT foreplay. In fact, teachers of this technique strongly encourage partners to set time aside specifically for their OM practice, where it won’t lead to further sexual activities. OMing is goalless, which allows people to stay present in the practice, without worrying about “achieving” something, or what may come next. Wink wink, nudge nudge.
So what exactly happens during an Orgasmic Meditation session?
OMing involves two people: the receiver, or “strokee”, is someone who has a clitoris (woman, non-binary, or trans) and a “stroker”, who can be anyone. While OMing is most popular amongst couples, there are meetups and workshops where single people can experience OMing in a safe, controlled environment.
First things first: Setting the space. To fully ease into the practice, you need to create a comfortable nest. Using props and pillows, the zone is created to promote a sense of safety and comfort. The strokee lays back comfortably, legs in a butterfly position with their legs in a specific position in relation to the stroker. The stroker stays fully clothed, while the strokee only undresses from the waist down.
There is a specific spot on the clitoris that the strokee stimulates for a set period of time- always 15 minutes. To find the spot, OMers say to start at 1’o clock to the strokee’s left. This is a good place to start off, however it is just a reference point. As OMing is a meditation, it asks you to drop into the moment and pay attention to the subtle changes.
The spot may move and change, and will be different from person to person. The stroker may feel a zing under their fingertips, and allow their intuition to guide them as they watch and feel the strokee’s reactions. To learn more about the specific technique of OMing, OneTaste offers a free PDF with specific details as to how to develop an OM practice.
So what’s the difference between OMing and foreplay? Bottom line is that Orgasmic Meditation is just that- a meditation. It is a practice that will shift depending on what is going in your life, and it will look different each time. OMing takes the transactionary expectation out of sexual encounters, a toxic habit that keeps people from being able to truly connect.
It allows people to focus on sensation, and feel each nuance and electrical current between the stroker and strokee.
For the strokee, they are able to give with no expectation of receiving. Most strokers reflect on their experiences as having received so much just through the act of diving into this potent meditation with someone else- even though they are not having their genitals touched in any way.
Those who practice OMing develop a deeper sense of connection with their bodies, and their ability to articulate their needs.
OMing doesn’t just heal in areas related to our sexuality. Orgasmic Meditation asks for a state of vulnerability. This vulnerability allows for transformation and healing in areas that are so often neglected. It gives us a chance to experience the mind, body, spirit connection on a tangible, yet visceral level.
Our pleasure and ability to be vulnerable is so inextricably linked with our overall health and well being. When we are able to break down blockages we carry in our bodies, we start to experience a state of harmony and fluidity.
Natasha (she/they) is a full spectrum doula, reproductive health content creator, and sexual wellness consultant. Her work focuses on deconstructing the shame, stigma, and barriers people carry around birth, sex, and beyond, to help people navigate through their lives with more pleasure, softness, and sensuality. You can connect with Natasha on IG @spectrumoflovedoula.