Warming up is pivotal to success for most things in life – running a marathon, lifting weights, giving a speech, or singing an aria. Our bodies – and brains – perform best when we’ve done a little prep work, and that counts double in the bedroom.
Foreplay is the key to ensuring our minds and sex organs are guaranteed to experience all possible pleasure, and no, foreplay definitely isn’t just for those of us with a clitoris. Before rushing into penetration – often considered the “goal” of sex for far too long – you’ve got to spend some time kissing, touching, tasting, and talking.
The more minutes you spend warming up your body parts and brains with arousing activity, the more you’ll both be raring to go by the time you two get down to the dirtier stuff.
Check out these unique tips to tease your way into date night for a drawn-out evening of slow, sensual pleasures.
Wander Through Sexual Valleys and Peaks
Try mindfully switching up your moves throughout the night, as it’ll keep you on your toes as you move towards climax.
One of the best ways to make foreplay exciting is to create a rise and fall of sensation and energy. Instead of going for it at full speed the entire time, ramp up the pace or the intensity to a peak and then let things calm down a bit.
These peaks and valleys alternately ramp up the intensity and then bring you back down to earth at just the right moments, leaving you constantly craving more. When you go back and forth from more intensity to less intensity, you keep your partner’s body focused on the sensation and pleasure.
Give it a shot by changing the speed or the intensity of your touch, or by focusing on less sensitive parts of your partner’s body. Pleasure your partner’s parts with a softer touch than usual, or stimulate them around their genitals and erogenous zones, rather that using direct contact.
Discover External Pleasures
Now here’s a tactic to really throw a welcomed surprise into your routine! It’s time to take the ol’ in-and-out out of the equation – at least for a portion of your night.
The next time you set aside a chunk of time for sex, use at least 20 of those minutes to focus solely on non-penetrative foreplay.
Begin with five minutes of non-genital touch. Massage and stroke underutilized erogenous zones like the neck, back, feet and stomach. During the next five minute stretch, include external genital touch, incorporating the breasts, butt, vulva, penis, scrotum, and anus.
However, stick to the rules: use outside touch only, with no penetration or oral play. The last five to ten minutes (or more if you please) can include oral stimulation of all kinds, but stick to withholding penetration.
We think you’ll be pleasantly surprised at how much fiery passion you can conjure with a little sensual restraint. Holding back creates even more anticipation and pleasure once you finally do take the plunge.
And yes, once twenty minutes have elapsed, you’re allowed to start screwing!
Venture into Uncharted Territory
Routine is often the best way to kill the passion before it’s even ignited. We suggest venturing outside the 4 walls of your bedroom for a quick undoing of the usual.
A make-out session and some heavy petting can go even further in an unfamiliar and decidedly naughty location. Switch up you and your partner’s environment however you choose. Whether it be a full-scale vacation, a quick venture into the outdoors, or even 24 hours in a local hotel, you can create a new level of unmatched excitement and anticipation.
Even if you’ve only got a few minutes and an empty house, pick a new room or piece of furniture to christen with climaxes. Spontaneity can be a hot form of foreplay all by itself.
Re-Think Your Sexual Goals
What’s the absolute best way to ensure foreplay leads to utterly satisfying sex? Forget where foreplay ends and intercourse begins.
Only you and your partner can create the rules – or lack thereof – that govern your love life. We think it’s time to re-frame stereotypes that pit foreplay against penetrative sex, claiming one is ultimately better than the other, or that the two concepts are inherently separate stages of an intimate encounter.
Instead of drawing lines between “sex” and “foreplay,” re-imagine all acts of pleasure as an entire sexual experience. Oral sex or manual stimulation can be just as satisfying, if not more in some cases, than penetrative sex.
Your entire evening could be several hours of kissing, touching, and oral followed by ten minutes of penetrative sex, or a long string of internal and external pleasures intermingled throughout the evening. It’s all up to you to decide what works and how you’d like to label it.
Instead of looking at intercourse as the main event and then calling it quits once penetration has occurred, consider everything you do during sexy time as part of a full and exciting experience with your partner.
Colleen began her sexual wellness career as a sex toy educator in manufacturing and retail. She has since branched out as a writer and marketer, covering all facets of sexual health and anatomy. At Intimina, she specializes in women’s medical care and health concerns, menstruation, sex and pregnancy, and birth control. Colleen frequently confers with top sex educators and intimate wellness experts to stay on top of the constantly changing sexual wellness space.