What Does it Mean to be Non-Binary?

Sexual Wellness | | Natasha Weiss
5 min read

With the growing awareness around the many nuances of gender and sexuality, comes more and more people who identify as “gender non-binary”. If this is a totally new concept to you – not to worry! We’re here to answer some of the most common questions regarding gender fluidity. Maybe you yourself have questioned whether you may be non-binary – welcome! No matter where you are in your understanding of gender, let this be a guide to help shed some light on this somewhat elusive topic.

It’s Not a Third Gender

One common misconception that people have around gender, is that non-binary is a “third gender”. Let’s clear this up right now – it’s not. 

The identity of someone who is non-binary is one that is shaped outside of the societal constructs of a strict “gender binary”. Meaning one thing or the other. Male or female. Girl or boy. Man or woman. To so many, this feels rigid, limiting, and downright oppressive. 

Helpful Terms

Before you dive into the world of non-binary-ness, it’s important to have a basic understanding of these terms. 

Cis-Gender, is when someone’s gender identity matches that which they were assigned at birth. Ex: “I was born a female, and I identify as a woman”.

Trans: Trans is someone whose gender identity is different than the sex they were assigned at birth. Some trans people’s journey involves hormone replacement therapy and/or surgery, however, it certainly doesn’t have to. 

Many trans people also identify as non-binary, or vice versa. In much the same sentiment, every trans person’s journey is highly individualized and they may or may not want to adhere to society’s standards of what it means to be a man or a woman. 

To Each Their Own

Someone who is non-binary may feel an equal balance of male and female energies. Or they may feel neither, or ‘a-gender’. They may feel these energies all at once, or never at all, or a constant changing of them, fluctuating much like the Earth’s seasons. There is no one way to be non-binary, and each person’s journey is highly unique to them. 

You may have heard other terms floating around like gender non-conforming, genderqueer, and gender fluid. All of these encompass the same idea of having a gender identity that is outside the normal structure of what it means to be male or female. 

Genitals Do Not Equal Gender

What someone has in between their legs or on their chest does not define their gender identity.  Having said that, some non-binary people may have gender-affirming surgery (top or bottom), or go on hormone replacement therapy (HRT), as a means of feeling like what’s on the outside reflects how they feel on the inside. 

A common societal belief is that when someone undergoes one or more of these treatments, they want to be validated through society as a gender opposite of the one they were assigned at birth. This is not always true, some non-binary people use these treatments as a way of breaking free of the gender binary.

It’s Nothing New

Although we’ve seen a rise of non-binary representation in social media in the last few years, this concept is far from new. 

People across the world, like the ancient Celts, and Indigenous people across the globe have not only accepted but revered non-binary people for generations. Native Americans have people who are “Two-Spirit”, that fill very specific roles in their communities.

Much of the time, non-binary people within these communities would serve as a bridge between the spirit and physical realm, between man and woman, and more. This is thanks to their ability to live in a liminal state of being in between and outside the norm.

Gender and Sexuality

Gender and sexuality are not the same. While there is overlap, and the two topics go hand in hand, you cannot assume someone’s sexuality based on their gender, and vice-versa. 

It’s common for non-binary people to identify as “queer”, “pansexual”, or “bisexual”. Since they are not a cis-gendered person, they would not be considered heterosexual. Heterosexual means “attracted to the opposite sex”. Well guess what? There is no opposite of non-binary, which is where queer comes in.

Non-binary people can also be a-sexual, demisexual, may identify as lesbian or gay, or any other verbage that resonates with them. 

Pronoun Power

Many non-binary people choose to use pronouns outside of she/her and him/his. 

Some common ones are…

  • They/Them/Theirs
  • Ze/Hir
  • Co/Cos
  • Xe/Xem/Xyr
  • Hy/Hym/Hys

For some non-binary folx, they choose to use their name in leiu of pronouns. Much like their pronouns, oftentimes people will change their name as a way of affirming their gender. If they strictly use this new name, then the name they were given at birth is called their “dead name”. It is incredibly disrespectful to use this name without their permission. 

While someone’s pronouns do not define them, they are an important tool in navigating a world that is filtered through a binary lens.

If you are unsure of someone’s pronouns, just ask them! 

It may be uncomfortable at first, but trust that it gets easier with practice, and know that you are being a considerate human, who is respecting the individual in front of them. This will be greatly appreciated!

A little tip; there is a misconception that when asking someone’s pronouns you use the term “preferred pronouns”. This is incorrect. These pronouns are not preferred, they simply are. Instead, just say “What are your pronouns?”.

Gender Neutral is The Future

Remember, that someone’s appearance is not indicative of their gender identity. Part of moving towards a more inclusive future is using gender neutrality as the default. Imagine interacting with people without assuming their gender identity. That is inclusivity, and that is the future. 

No matter how your gender identity shapes itself over time, one thing remains the same – it is a reflection of the ever-expanding ways you become more and more true to yourself. To embrace gender nonconformity is to say yes to the vast experiences of what it means to be human – and what is possible within that.

Remember, the future is fluid.

15 thoughts on “What Does it Mean to be Non-Binary?

  • Floored says:

    That is some real delusional bullshit! Man and Woman! What is between your legs at BIRTH for sure determines your gender!!!!

    • Disappointed says:

      Agreed, absolute trash. Jordan Petersen said it best, when one hasnt accomplished anything in their own life, they tend to try and solve large non specific problems to appear enlightened to their neighbors.

    • sarah stone says:

      lmao u stupid . you can be any sex y’all want

    • Echo says:

      When the writer says the future is “fluid” that is basically saying what many people have been saying about this it is a fad at this point. Feeling like I don’t fit a cookie cutter mold of femininity doesn’t make me less of a woman it’s who I was born to be case closed

    • peachy says:

      um no. whatever a person wants to be should not be determined by what is in between your legs but by what you feel makes them comfortable. so i say if you got nothing nice to say leave that in your own house not here.

  • Dude says:

    What a bunch of bullshit! You people need psychological help. Nobody believes this garbage.

  • Kenneth A Quandt says:

    Frankly, it irritates the shit out of me when someone asks “what’s your pronouns.” I will tell them “what do you see before you” or use they doesn’t do it, I will say “I am a man” use pronouns appreciate. I think it’s outrageous people bending over backwards to protect the “feelings” of a very small minority, whole having no difficult whatsoever of offending the majority, like myself. And yes, I do find it extremely offensive, I will not participate in this ridiculous bullshit. People have become so open minded their brains have fallen out

  • Kenneth A Quandt says:

    I’m with you. It offends the shit out of me if somebody is stupid enough to ask what pronouns to use. Three opened minded idiots don’t want to offend a very small minority, but don’t think twice about offending the majority. Something is drastically wrong with that

  • Glenn Campbell says:

    There needs to be a new word created for these people. Your “sex” is determined at birth. Male or female. If you want to be something different, that’s fine. No matter how many men wear dresses and claim to be women, their chromosomes still come out as male. Science doesn’t lie.

  • Daniel Freeman says:

    This is incredible. Those pronouns aren’t even words. These people have lost their minds.

  • pluto says:

    why does this offend y’all so much? is this actively hurting you? if you don’t understand don’t be rude about it, we’ll answer your questions

  • Aaron Froland says:

    Um…no. What is between your legs at birth IS what gender you are. Testicles, male. Vagina, female. Not that difficult to figure out. Born with both? Hermaphrodite. You’re welcome.

  • Concerned says:

    The creator of humans , God Almighty , created only two, man and woman… He created chromosomes that determine which one you are. It’s not what you feel like inside , that is a psychological issue . Creating a whole list of things to call yourself may make you feel better but your still a make or female . Seek God and he will heal you and free your mind ! He’s a healer and can save you from anything!

  • Rational Thinker says:

    When a society is void of absolutes this is what happens. We begin to entertain and even create names for any and every thought we may have. If someone in the past (a minute portion of society) were to identify or entertain such thoughts they were considered to have mental illness. They were treated and shown scientifically how their ideas or thoughts were impossible. Now, we give a voice and entertain any idea or thought that pops into ones head (at any age) as normal. Concrete, cut and dried thinking is no longer optional and if you teach children that boys become men who like women or girls become women who like men you are wrong. People become people who like people is now being politically correct. Truly heartbreaking. ?

    Reproduction of the human race will only happen when sperm meets egg (Male and Female unite). This will allow women who feel like and look like men to give birth (because they are naturally female). A natural born male cannot carry a child, regardless of their identity as a female, they have no uterus. It was and always has been two genders. When we give a voice to mental health ideation, we are entertaining the irrational. We are doing much more harm than good. Will there ever be a line drawn in the sand? Who gets to determine what is rational thinking or irrational? Those who feel disconnected now have a group to connect to, which is a good thing, but forcing their ideas on the world as correct, accepted by all, or sane is another. I bet if one would look into each ones history you would find a long list of mental health diagnoses, a history of abuse (physical, mental, sexual, neglect of any kind) or something tragic that is the point of origin. A trigger can change the chemistry of the brain and alter a brain that was once normal causing it to become abnormal or abstract.

    Not enough time to share all my thoughts on this.

  • Disappointed In The Readers says:

    I’m am deeply disappointed by how many people think this is bad. If your confused use some common cense and pipe up. Some people are to small minded to think of the possibility of there being more then just women and men on this earth. People need to forget their religion for a minute and think about how diverse this world has become. God said man and women is the only acceptable relationship, but here I am gay and proud. And not concerned about what bullshit god thinks. (Or what people will tell you god thinks) The Bible was written by a person not god, so how do people know what god thinks is wrong or right.

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