Here at Intimina, we’re all about working with our biology to optimize our sex lives.
We are products of nature, and knowing how to work with our natural rhythms can help us have better, more satisfying sex.
While being on a “sexual schedule” may sound mundane and rigid – it’s the total opposite! Our lives are busy, and often full of curveballs and distractions. Blocking out specific times that are ideal for you to have sex – with our without a partner – means you’ll be able to put your focus on your pleasure, and your sexual wellness.
Remember that all of this information can be used whether you’re having sex with yourself, or a partner(s)!
Back to Biology Class
Whether or not you excelled in your grade school science classes, you’ll want to pay attention now.
Of course, we’re all familiar with good old “morning wood”, which means if your partner has a penis, they may advocate for an AM romp in the sack. This is because their testosterone levels are highest right after waking up from a Rapid Eye Movement sleep stage.
Even if your sex drive is there however, you may not have the time to adequately “warm-up” with foreplay, which can hinder your ability to orgasm, or fully enjoy your experience.
On the other hand, other experts advocate for an afternoon delight – 3 P.M. to be precise. This could be due to where your hormone levels are at, or as an instinctual way to destress and energize yourself during a busy day. Why not opt for an orgasm over a midday cup of coffee?
Your body and mind will thank you. Not to mention, if you’re feeling achy from sitting at a computer, orgasms can act as a natural painkiller. Not to mention a workout! Try getting it on in lieu of an afternoon cycle class.
Of course, this is all just theory, and there’s no way a scientist in a lab knows your body and sexual appetite better than you do.
Look at Your Lifestyle
Finding the best time of day to have sex goes beyond your biological rhythms, it’s also looking into your schedule, daily habits, and lifestyle, and using all that information to help guide you in exploring your sexual schedule.
If privacy is important to you and live with other people, think about when is a quiet time in your household where you can make time for your sex life. We all have different needs when it comes to privacy and room to make noise (or not).
Take a look at your week, and find times where you’re less likely to be stressed, and tapped out. When will you be able to make space without being rushed, or feeling the intensity of your week? On the other hand, it may be incredibly helpful for you to destress with sex or masturbation!
You may also want to pay attention to when you are able to be the most present in your body and with your partner. This may be after you do an activity or hobby that helps you feel grounded like going for a hike, doing art, or dancing!
Another general rule of thumb is to avoid having sex right after eating! Hard to go out with all that digestion action going on. Of course, this depends on what you ate – a smoothie versus a plate of pasta for example, but you’ll generally want to wait at least two hours after eating before having sex.
Why not try having sex before your dinner date?! You’re guaranteed to work up an appetite.
Track Your Rhythms
While the general consensus is that people with uteruses tend to be most horny during ovulation, that may not be the case for you. It can be helpful to pay attention to what times during your menstrual cycle you have the highest sex drive. You can do this with handy apps or a cycle journal.
You don’t have to limit it to a monthly cycle. Try noticing or journaling when during the day you’re the horniest, or if it changes on certain days of the week – which is probably a reflection of your schedule.
Finding a balance between yours and your partner’s schedule, both of your desires and rhythms, roommates, kids, biological rhythms, and any other obstacles that you face can be quite the task. But, when it comes down to it, the best time of day to have sex, is whenever works best for you. Obviously, this can change from day to day, and week to week, but only you know your prime sex time.
Natasha (she/they) is a full spectrum doula, reproductive health content creator, and sexual wellness consultant. Her work focuses on deconstructing the shame, stigma, and barriers people carry around birth, sex, and beyond, to help people navigate through their lives with more pleasure, softness, and sensuality. You can connect with Natasha on IG @spectrumoflovedoula.