Finding Your Lost Libido
No matter who you are, chances are that at some time in your life you’ve experienced a discrepancy between your desire for intimacy and that of your partner. You can’t always be in the mood; but if you consistently find that your lack of interest in sex is affecting your enjoyment of life or taking a toll on your relationship, it may be time to look at the root of the problem.
For women, addressing sex drive issues can be problematic owing to the complex nature of possible contributing factors. The first step is to attempt to establish if the issue is physical or emotional. The most likely physical cause is a hormonal imbalance, although this in itself can be the result of many different variables.
Testosterone, in both men and women, is the key hormone in sexual desire but the balance between estrogen and progesterone also plays a major role. The levels and balance of all these hormones change during menopause and pregnancy, but can also be affected by poor diet and specific medical procedures such as hysterectomy.
Many prescription drugs can also have an impact on your libido. Using some hormonal contraceptives and anti-depressants, in particular, results in a loss of interest in intimacy for many women; so if you suspect this could be a factor for you then make sure to talk to your doctor about your options.
It’s not at all unusual for women to find lackluster libidos completely revived after simply switching to a different method or type of contraception.
Knowing your needs
Where there is not a clear medical cause for your libido problem, there may be an underlying emotional issue – especially if the problem is a long-term one. For many women, a lack of sexual desire could be linked to a sense of discomfort with their own bodies – whether conscious or otherwise – or a lack of past positive sexual experiences.
In her book The Case of the Female Orgasm, Elisabeth Lloyd compiled the findings of 33 different studies into the female orgasm, revealing that – according to not just one but numerous researchers – up to 75% of women do not achieve orgasm through intercourse alone.
Although intimacy is perfectly satisfactory for many without orgasm, this perceived inability can tend to affect desire as well as sexual confidence, as women begin to associate intimate experience with pressure to orgasm the “right” way and a persistent failure to do so.
Therefore it is often helpful to take the time to work out what types of stimulation work for you, without the pressure and distraction of involving a partner.
A personal massager can help you to get to know your body while giving your individual needs your full attention. Many women who believe that they don’t enjoy intimate activities and therefore don’t desire them may change their minds when they start to explore different methods – on their own and in their own time. Plus, indulging in some *me* time has been proven to give some pretty amazing benefits for body and mind.
Asking the right questions
Ask yourself honestly if there are any incidents in your past that may have contributed to a negative view of sex. Some women, particularly those with a history of bad sexual experiences, suffer from vaginismus (involuntary vaginal spasms that cause painful sex).
If this sounds like you, it is no wonder that intimacy holds little appeal for you; but professional counseling and physical therapy has helped countless women to overcome vaginismus, so ensure that you speak to a medical professional about the problem as soon as you can.
You may also have ongoing problems in your relationship which you have pushed to the side or are trying to ignore; take a step back and frankly assess if everything is as it should be between you and your partner. It’s essential to talk about your libido issue with your partner rather than hoping it will simply go away. Remember this affects your partner too, and it is not something you have to deal with alone.
Finally, there are certain points in your life when sex is likely to be a very low priority; particularly just after having a baby, or when going through menopause. Getting back into the habit of desiring and enjoying intimacy after these times is often something that needs to be worked at, rather than occurring naturally.
However, by staying aware that this is completely normal, keeping lines of communication with your partner (if you have one) open, and bearing in mind that most women take some time to settle into a normal intimate routine after a big life change, it is very possible to restore the quality of your intimate life.
Please note that advice offered by Intimina may not be relevant to your individual case. For specific concerns regarding your health, always consult your physician or other licensed medical practitioners.
A collective group of “lady experts” at Intimina who love sharing our personal experiences, even when they are a little too personal. We believe it’s time to start breaking down the taboos around menstruation, motherhood, and menopause, and start owning our female health.