Orgasms are nature’s little stress relievers. They’re absolutely free, available in unlimited quantities, and they do all sorts of fun things to our brains that make us happy. After a harrowing day of battling traffic, the office, and family drama with the kids or the in-laws, there’s nothing like a quick boost of serotonin and dopamine via a bit of sexy stimulation.
What could possibly be worse than trying to scramble for a few spare, toe-curling hours (or, let’s be honest, even minutes) in-between life’s daily craziness to visit Kingdom Come? When sex becomes the source of our stress instead of the relieving antidote!
Both masturbation and partnered sex can easily turn into new reasons to moan and groan (and not the good kind!) for myriad reasons. This unfortunate turn of events can quickly become a negative pattern, eventually turning us off the bedroom altogether, if we don’t recognize what’s going on. Even if it feels like icky stuff like low arousal or miscommunication are becoming your new, sexually-unappetizing norm, we can nip bedroom stress in the bud with a few basic behavioral changes that are fast, easy, and instantly gratifying.
Remember That All Bad Days (And Weeks) Must Come to an End
Our sexual let-downs don’t have to end in a downward spiral for our relationship with our partner or ourselves. These seemingly giant failures are simply minor issues that can grow with increasing stress levels, and they don’t have to take over our entire lives, at least not for more than 24 hours.
Ever notice how on a particularly annoying day at work, a cranky email from the boss can feel like a one-way ticket to Fired-ville? And then, a mere few days later, you might be passed over for a promotion and be able to brush it off and move on? Take a step back and consider how day-to-day moods and events affect your ability to handle everything from the bedroom to the boardroom.
Maybe your partner seems distant during foreplay, or you just can’t stop thinking about that huge family party you’ve got to arrange this weekend.
Whatever it is that’s distracting you, recognize that it’s not you or your partner’s permanent state of mind.
If you’re just not up for sex – for an hour, a day, or even a week – don’t let that stop you from getting a good night’s sleep so you can be rested for a healthy, more focused and pleasurable romp when life smooths out again. Trust us, you’ll be back to yummy orgasms in no time!
No, Really – Put Down That Smart Phone!
This probably isn’t the first time you’ve read that technology is a huge distraction in the bedroom, and that’s because it’s totally true.. So if you won’t take it from someone else, maybe you’ll take it from us and work on eliminating all those tech goodies from your sacred sexual space.
Experts recommend taking everything electronic out of the bedroom, not just turning your devices off, but we’ll give you a pass here since that huge, flat screen TV isn’t exactly coming off the wall easily. Instead of settling down in bed with the TV blaring and a smart phone in hand, finish up your Netflix binge and any leftover emails in the living room. Before climbing into bed, cover up the TV with a mood-setting piece of fabric, like a silky red sash or black satin sheet. (Even if you’re not thinking about sex, this will help you sleep, too.) Put your phone on silent and leave it on a charger in another room. No excuses about needing an alarm! The local dollar outlet store is a great place to grab a cheap digital clock that you can stash in a drawer come morning.
Now that you’re both device-free, do what couples did in bed before tech was king – kiss, cuddle, touch, hold hands, or exchange massages. Whether it leads to sex or not, you’ll both feel better and are on your way to creating a connecting nighttime ritual.
Grab a Battery-Powered Sex Life Hack (Yes, We Mean a Vibrator)
Maybe you’re just too tuckered-out for all that thrusting, or the day’s anxiety makes an erection or any natural arousal feel like another chore on your to-do list. If you’re still willing to give an orgasm a go before hitting the hay, there’s nothing wrong with a super-quickie using our all-time favorite sex hack: a vibrator. Sometimes a tried-and-true method is all you need to kick-start your sex drive. Besides, when you’ve got a 6AM wake-up call for work, don’t feel bad about getting in, getting off, and going to bed.
Hand your partner your vibe of choice and let them get you warmed up the easy way, letting the vibration patterns do all the work. You can reciprocate using your hands, or another sex toy that guarantees a quick-shot orgasm. Who cares if you both only last 5 minutes (or less)? You can now bask in the heavenly sleep that can only come from – well – coming! Kiss each other goodnight, and plan an epic night of all-out sex when the outside world finally takes a chill pill.
Please note that advice offered by Intimina may not be relevant to your individual case. For specific concerns regarding your health, always consult your physician or other licensed medical practitioners.
Colleen began her sexual wellness career as a sex toy educator in manufacturing and retail. She has since branched out as a writer and marketer, covering all facets of sexual health and anatomy. At Intimina, she specializes in women’s medical care and health concerns, menstruation, sex and pregnancy, and birth control. Colleen frequently confers with top sex educators and intimate wellness experts to stay on top of the constantly changing sexual wellness space.