The COVID-19 pandemic has changed so many parts of our lives. Even when things do return to some semblance of normalcy, the effects will be long-lasting.
One of the ways we’ve collectively been impacted has been how we socialize, and especially – how we date or hook up.
Casual Sex No More
Gone are the days when we could go to a party or a bar, and bring someone home for a wild romp in the sack.
There’s so much more to take into consideration if you do choose to have sex with someone.
For people already in relationships, many partners are spending longer and longer periods apart or long distance – and looking for options.
This is where good old fashioned sexting comes in.
While it’s difficult to not have access to physical intimacy with someone, we gotta use what we got, and “social distance sex”, “sexting”, “phone sex”, or whatever term you want to use, are valuable ways we can have sexual interactions, while still being mindful of the pandemic.
Schedule Time to Be Intimate
It can be hard enough to coordinate times to have sex with someone you are able to see in person, now add distance into the mix, and it complicates the situation further.
While spontaneity can sure be sexy, it can be helpful to have a designated date time when you’re going to get it on…virtually.
This will give you time to prepare, set the mood, do some self care like a bath, self massage, and putting something sexy on.
You Can Still Have Foreplay
Just because there’s distance between you, doesn’t mean you have to jump right into whatever you consider the “main event”.
Social distance sex is cool in the sense that it expands our idea of what sex is, outside of the heteronormative idea of penetration.
You can take your sweet, sweet time detailing your surroundings, how you feel watching the candles flicker in your room, what it feels like to rub oil into your body, what it tastes like to nibble on strawberries.
Get creative! You get to decide what sex means for you, and distance makes the challenge all the more exciting.
Social distance sex does not have to revolve around orgasms. In fact, taking the focus away from orgasms, can allow you and your partner to connect and experience pleasure in new and novel ways.
Work in Your Comfort Zone
Not everyone will feel comfortable having video sex, sending nudes, or even going beyond “sexting” – that’s ok.
Do what makes you comfortable, gets you excited, and don’t let anyone pressure you beyond that.
Watch Porn Together
If you or your partner are into porn, you can try finding one of the awesome ethical porn sites out there.
Tune in at the same time, and communicate via texting, phone, facetime, etc., offering *ahem* commentary, talking about what in the video is turning you on, and what you’re doing while watching it!
If you feel comfortable doing so, you can also make your own porn or sexy videos and send them to eachother.
Do you or your partner have any fantasies you can work into the video? Make it fun, get inspired, it’s like a sexy art project!
We love sex toys around here.
Sextech innovations have brought a whole new element into long distance sex with app and remote operated vibrators.
A quick Google search for ‘long distance vibrator’, or ‘app based vibrator’, will show you a plethora of options, with ravings reviews to go along with them. These allow for more interaction and receptivity, with the excitement of someone else holding the reigns.
You’ve Got Mail
Snail mail is not obsolete.
You too can have a sexy pen pal. Try sending them a handwritten erotic fantasy or memory, you can include sexy pics, or a treat for them to try like lingerie, or a surprise sex toy.
If You’re Nervous…
It’s ok to be nervous! Your partner might be feeling the same way. Especially if it’s a new person.
Nerves can also just mean excitement. Sex of any kinds is exciting, especially if it’s been a while.
You can practice talking dirty to yourself in the mirror, just to get in the swing of things.
Also let your partner know you’re nervous, it can be a great way to break the ice.
Whatever you do, just have fun with it.
Just as you would with in-person sex, be communicative about what you want if something is or isn’t working for you, and if there are things you want to do again or more of. Social distance sex can help build your communication skills around sex, especially if this is someone you’re planning on having sex with in real life.
While these tips can’t replace the need for physical interaction, they can still be great ways to deepen your connection with someone, and have fun while you’re at it!
Natasha (she/they) is a full spectrum doula, reproductive health content creator, and sexual wellness consultant. Her work focuses on deconstructing the shame, stigma, and barriers people carry around birth, sex, and beyond, to help people navigate through their lives with more pleasure, softness, and sensuality. You can connect with Natasha on IG @spectrumoflovedoula.