Whether you’re an avid writer or haven’t touched a journal since grade school, here at Intimina we have a little challenge for you. A practice that can transform your sex life, your connection with pleasure, and your security in your body. Let me introduce to you – sex journaling.
What exactly is a sex journal you ask? Well, it’s exactly what it sounds like, a journal where you write about sex!
No matter if the thought of keeping a sex journal brings up anticipation, excitement, curiosity, or all of the above – you can absolutely benefit from this practice.
Benefits of a Sex Journal
Your sex life is not stagnant, while there will always be ebbs and flows, it is a constantly evolving journey with the potential to keep evolving. Being able to track your journey allows you to see the ways in which you grow in change, and how they correlate with where you’re at in your life.
Keeping a sex journal can be incredibly helpful when healing from sexual trauma, when trying out different ways of masturbating, or when in a new relationship.
Your ability to be raw and honest with yourself about sex can help create confidence that carries over into every other area of your life.
What Do I Do?
By now you may be reaching for a pen and paper, ready to hit the ground running, but are unsure of what to actually write.
Here are some helpful things to keep in mind when starting your sex journal practice…
- What are your arousal levels during different times of your menstrual cycle?
- What are your arousal levels compared to your stress levels and mental health?
- Did you use any tools or props? How did you like them?
- How present did you feel in your body?
- Were there any emotional or physical blocks that you noticed?
- What sex acts are you currently curious or fantasizing about?
Keep it Separate and Consistent
While this is of course a personal decision, we advise keeping your sex journal separate from any regular journal or diary you keep. This allows you to stay organized, and also easily track changes and patterns without having to sift through all of your daily thoughts and ruminations.
When choosing a journal, opt for one that feels sensual, enticing, and inspires you to write in it.
Consistency is key here. Without being too strict on yourself, try to remember to at least jot down a few words after each romp in the sack – that includes masturbation.
No one else is going to see this unless you want them to of course.
This is your opportunity to reflect and reminisce on your sexual escapades, without censorship.
Give yourself permission to be as honest as possible, letting the thoughts flow freely through you. Like anything, honesty is a practice, and sometimes you don’t realize the ways in which you’re holding back until they reveal themselves.
The more honesty you can use in your journaling, the greater your communication will be with any sexual partners you have or will have in the future – including yourself.
You Decide The Rating
You decide the tone of your journal. That means you can choose to recount every sexy detail of your encounters or choose to reflect more on what emotions and energies came up during and after it.
Even if you start out with X rated entries, that can always shift and evolve, and come back around. Better yet, throw the ratings out the window and just write down whatever comes to mind when you put pen to paper.
Make it a Partner Practice
Sex journaling is awesome and cathartic as a solo activity, but when done with a partner, gives you both the chance to turn incredible sex into revolutionary, transcendental sex.
Openly talking about sex can be tricky, especially when it’s new to you. One of the most helpful ways to improve your sex life is through communication.
Sex journaling allows you and your partner to clearly reflect on the experience before relaying that information to each other. If you’re planning on sharing your sex journal with a partner, here are some helpful prompts to keep in mind…
- I felt seen when you _____
- It felt incredible when you _____
- It didn’t feel good when you _____
- I would love for you to do more of this _____
- Here is something I’ve been wanting to try/explore _____
After just one session of sharing your sex journals with each other, you and your partner will start to feel more connected, raw, and vulnerable with each other, and feel that it’s that much easier to communicate at the moment.
At the end of the day, your sex journal is just that – yours. You get to decide the tone of your writing, who gets to read it, what to track and when, and how to integrate your findings into your sex life.
Natasha (she/they) is a full spectrum doula, reproductive health content creator, and sexual wellness consultant. Her work focuses on deconstructing the shame, stigma, and barriers people carry around birth, sex, and beyond, to help people navigate through their lives with more pleasure, softness, and sensuality. You can connect with Natasha on IG @spectrumoflovedoula.