Is Self-Confidence The Key to A Fulfilling Sex Life?
Sex makes the world go round. Literally. It also makes your inner world go round, upside down, and right side up. So buckle up. In all seriousness, your sex life is one of the key ways you can experience pleasure, connection, and fulfillment in your life. But it’s not always that easy. There are so many things that can affect your sex life and how you relate to your sexuality. One of the biggest factors is how you feel about yourself. Your internal processes, dialogue, and feelings towards yourself all come to the surface when you’re getting intimate with someone else, or yourself. These all feed into your self-confidence. Which in turn, feeds into your sex life, and how fulfilling it is.
How Self-Confidence Affects Sex
It may seem obvious, but sometimes we need to dig below the surface a bit to unveil what’s underneath. Especially when it has to do with sex and sexuality. So how does self-confidence affect your sex life? There are so many ways, but here are some of the biggest ones that come to mind… When you’re not feeling confident in yourself, you may realize that you shut down a bit. You may not say what’s on your mind, vocalize your needs and desires, and express what you want in bed.
There may be a part of you that feels scared of being rejected, judged, or shot down. When your confidence is low you might not just have a hard time vocalizing what you want, you might not totally be in touch with what it is that makes you feel good. So you go through the motions of your sex life without knowing how to change things or switch it up. Sometimes we don’t even realize that we’re not showing up fully. Confidence can be one of those things where you don’t even realize that it was missing until you build it. Then you start to notice the little and big ways you may have been hiding, and how that’s affected your sex life.
It’s not just about communication and hiding your emotions, sometimes low self-confidence can make you want to hide physically. This can keep you from trying new positions, kinks, or other things during sex. You might not unleash yourself in the way you’d like to. Sex and self-confidence are so intertwined. Increased self-confidence can lead to better sex, but on the other hand – fulfilling sex can increase your confidence!
It’s What’s Inside That Counts
It may be cliche, but it’s what’s inside of you that matters more than the outside. Confidence isn’t a matter of changing your body, hair removal, or makeup. It’s an inner state of reverence and love for yourself, that can only truly be deepened with inner work. Although you might feel a bit better about yourself with your lashes done or after washing your hair, self-confidence is a reflection of your mental health and how you feel about yourself overall.
Boosting Your Self Confidence for Better Sex
Do you feel an itching under your skin to become a more authentic, aligned, and confident version of yourself? You’re not the only one. We’ve got some tips you can use to boost your self-confidence for better sex and a better life.
Physical Movement: Moving your body boosts endorphins and other happy hormones that give you energy and help you feel at ease in your body and mind.
Journaling: Writing things out that are creating traffic jams in your brain helps to make space for new things to come in. When you journal, you’re able to reflect on any thought patterns that may be negative towards yourself and help to reframe them.
Masturbation: Self-love is one of the best ways to get back in touch with yourself, and your needs before having sex with a partner. It can flood you with hormones that help you feel better, and remind you how capable you are of bringing pleasure into your life.
Community: Having positive relationships is key to feeling good about yourself. Not just romantic ones either. Your relationship with your friends, family, pets, and plants all help to reflect back to you just how amazing you are. It doesn’t take much, even just a couple of reliable friends can help you remember how to be vulnerable and communicate.
Therapy: Sometimes we need some outside support. If you have things in your life that you need an objective view on, or help to learn new coping mechanisms, it may be a good idea to seek out a mental health provider.
Everyone ebbs and flows. There are times when our confidence waivers, that doesn’t make you a failure, it makes you human. It’s ok to feel down sometimes or just not feel like your best self. The best things you can do are communicate this to your partner. That vulnerability in itself can give you a boost and help you feel a bit better. You’re beautiful inside and out, don’t forget it!
Natasha (she/they) is a full spectrum doula, reproductive health content creator, and sexual wellness consultant. Her work focuses on deconstructing the shame, stigma, and barriers people carry around birth, sex, and beyond, to help people navigate through their lives with more pleasure, softness, and sensuality. You can connect with Natasha on IG @spectrumoflovedoula.