Most of the assumptions we hold about ‘age-appropriate behavior’ have a funny way of not seeming to apply to us once we reach that age ourselves—you couldn’t picture your own grandmother at a yogalates class, but you’ve been keeping fit post-menopause and loving it!
Similarly, the thought of elders in your life keeping an active romantic live would have shocked a younger you, but now that you’ve hit your late 60s…well, it seems your libido is still going strong! Though your body may look and feel a bit different than your mid-20s, there’s no reason why you can’t keep enjoying the sensual side of life—and here are some tips to help you do so!
Learn a New Language
Even couples who have relatively good communication skills in and outside of the bedroom can fall into the bad habit of assuming they know exactly what their partner wants without asking or being told. And, while it’s true you probably have a good idea, our tastes and interests can change (at any age!) and it helps to remind yourself to communicate these things to your partner.
Practicing communication can start in your everyday life; try making a point of asking your partner a totally random (non-sexual) hypothetical over lunch, or telling them something, however minor, that you’ve never told them before.
Within the bedroom, we can somehow be shyer, even with a long-term partner, so before you dive into sharing your fantasies, try incorporating communication into your current routine, maybe by describing how you’re feeling as they please you, or saying afterward how much you love when they do X.
You don’t need to make this a formal exercise—the pressure can put some people off— but it does pay to actually talk about whether you’re both happy with your current level of communication, because after all, talking is the point. And hey, a fun fact about orgasms is that they tend to make us more talkative!
…And Some New Moves
Our body’s abilities change throughout our lives, and that can affect multiple parts of our sex lives. Firstly, you and your partnr may not be as flexible, or have mobility and joint issues that have developed. That doesn’t mean that more acrobatic positions are totally off the table, simply that they might need a little help!
Yoga and Tai Chi are great low impact activities that help range of motion—and a great way to meet people if you’re single! Even with flexibiity training, however, you can’t discount how helpful a nice firm support pillow can be under your hips or under the knees, or just limiting how long you spend in each position.
In terms of sexual function, you may have found increased difficulty lubricating post-menopause. There is absolutely nothing wrong with using personal lubricant for sex at any age—it just makes things feel plain better! If your male partner is having peformance-based issues, there are a wealth of options available. They should definitely speak with their doctor to rule out any underlying health concerns, but it also helps to redefine what ‘sex’ really is.
Let a Toy Come Between You
Sex, in actuality, means anything intimate stimulation that brings you pleasure, hence why masturbation is now sometimes refered to as ‘solo sex.’ While you may have a fairly standard definition of what sex is based on your sexual history as a couple, there’s no reason why you can’t redefine it now to suit your purposes. Maybe sex once meant mutual oral, followed by vaginal penetration, but now it means mutual masturbation.
Similarly, while your vibrator may have strictly been present during your ‘me-time’ can become the guest of honor during your coupled pleasure. Using a vibrator together can seem intimidating to some partners, but it’s the best way to communicate (no, we won’t stop stressing communication!) what you like. It also helps bring fun new sensations to familiar encounters!
In the End, it’s Up to Both of You
Keeping your coupled sex life well and alive takes effort from both partners, and while the above tips can help give you a nudge in the right direction, there’s also no shame in seeking couples’ counselling from someone who specializes in sex to make sure you’re all on the same page!
Colleen began her sexual wellness career as a sex toy educator in manufacturing and retail. She has since branched out as a writer and marketer, covering all facets of sexual health and anatomy. At Intimina, she specializes in women’s medical care and health concerns, menstruation, sex and pregnancy, and birth control. Colleen frequently confers with top sex educators and intimate wellness experts to stay on top of the constantly changing sexual wellness space.